How I Learned to Stop Seeking Validation and Start Loving Myself!!

By Rain Script

 


There was a time when I couldn’t fall asleep without replaying every single conversation I had that day.
“Did I say too much?”
“Was I too excited?”
“Should I have stayed quiet?”
I would overanalyze every emoji, every tone, every delay in someone’s response — not because I was dramatic, but because I was desperately searching for reassurance that I was… enough.

I didn’t know back then that I was living my life through a lens that wasn’t mine. Every action, every word, every outfit — I viewed it all through someone else's eyes, always wondering:

“Will they like this version of me?”

And slowly, painfully, I began shrinking.
I started to filter myself in conversations.
I began hiding parts of me that felt “too much.”
I became so good at people-pleasing, I forgot how to please myself.

💭 The High of Approval, and the Crash After

Validation is a drug.
It hits fast — a compliment, a laugh at your joke, a like on your photo — and suddenly you feel seen, appreciated, loved.
But just like a drug, it wears off. And when it does, you're left with a hollow feeling that whispers:

“What now?”

You start craving it more. You post for the likes.
You bend for their attention.
You agree to what you don’t believe in.
You morph into the version of yourself you think they want.

And worst of all — you forget who you were before all of this.

🌱 When the Shift Began

I can’t point to a single day or a single event. It wasn’t a grand “aha” moment. It was slow. Subtle. Silent.

It started the moment I got tired.

Tired of overthinking.
Tired of adjusting.
Tired of feeling like I had to earn my worth every single day.

And one night, I whispered to myself:

“What if I just allowed myself to be… as I am?”
Not for attention. Not for applause. Not for validation.
Just for me.

That one question changed everything.

🧘‍♀️ Loving Myself, Actively

Loving yourself is not bubble baths and face masks — not always. Sometimes it’s ugly. Sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable.

It’s:

  • Saying no, even when you’re scared to disappoint.

  • Walking away from people who make you question your value.

  • Unfollowing people who trigger your insecurities.

  • Choosing rest instead of hustling to prove yourself.

  • Wearing what makes you feel beautiful, not what trends demand.

It’s being your own home when the world feels cold.
It’s trusting your instincts.
It’s believing your tears are valid, even when no one sees them.

And the most powerful part?
It's not needing anyone else to clap for you in order to feel proud.

💌 Things That Helped Me

Here are little rituals that helped me reclaim my self-worth:

  • Journaling: Writing letters to my younger self, to my future self, to the version of me that’s healing.

  • Solo dates: Going out alone — no distractions, just me and my thoughts.

  • Digital detoxes: Logging off when I felt the urge to compare.

  • Positive affirmations: As cheesy as they sound, saying “I am enough” out loud every day rewired something inside me.

  • Gratitude lists: Reminding myself of what I already have, rather than chasing what I lack.

💫 Final Words From Me to You

If you’re reading this and feel like you’re constantly trying to earn love, prove yourself, or be “better” just so someone can finally say,

“Yes, now you’re worthy” —
Stop.

You don’t have to do anything to be enough.
You already are.

You are not everyone’s cup of tea — and that’s okay.
Because when you start loving yourself, unapologetically, you’ll notice something magical:
The world begins to shift.
Not because it changed — but because you did.

You’ll walk lighter.
You’ll smile for no reason.
You’ll stop begging for scraps and start building your own table.

And the people meant for you — the real ones — will find you there.
Loving yourself. Loudly. Proudly. Completely.

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